And Still Waiting . . .

This life, therefore, is not godliness but the process of becoming godly, not health but getting well, not being but becoming, not rest but exercise.  We are not now what we shall be, but we are on the way.  The process is not yet finished, but it is actively going on.  This is not the goal but it is the right road.  At present, everything does not gleam and sparkle, but everything is being cleansed. --Martin Luther

This Luther quote has been on my heart since I was introduced to it at small group a few weeks ago.  At times I find myself frustrated with waiting and more waiting.  My ability to control things has been stripped away and, man, it sucks.  Right now I am waiting for my team of doctors to review my case tomorrow.  I am on the agenda so it should happen.  But I feel like my life is on hold.

I look at the pictures taken before all of this happened.  Sometimes, I just wish I was back in those seemingly simpler moments.  I wish I could focus on getting a serious tan this spring break and making summer plans . . . but it is all in limbo.  I know, I know . . . it could be a lot worse.  I know, I get it.  But I also want you to know that this process has not been the easiest for me.  I am peaceful and positive.  But I have my moments, and I am realizing that it is ok that I have my moments.  Some of the best advice that I have received is, "Sarah, you do not have to be a super hero through this.  In fact, God wouldn't want you to be the super hero."  It didn't hit me until that very moment that I didn't have to be strong all of the time.  Wow, that is a huge relief.

And so when I start to question and be frustrated, I think of Luther's quote and the idea that I am on a journey.  I think, "At present, everything does not gleam and sparkle, but everything is being cleansed." 

Thank you for being part of my journey.