December 29th -- Vote for Our Photo

***Go to www.sweetcarolinephoto.com and vote for OUR wedding photo to win the best wedding photo!  Our number is 47 and you have to go to "click to comment" at the end of all of photo options.  Once you click it, scroll all the way down to the last picture again and you will see the place where you can post the number 47!  

December 27th

I just want to let everyone know that I am okay.  I am battling fatigue right now and I have very little energy.  I slept most of the day.  Please pray for my blood levels to be where they should and that my fatigue would subside. . . . . I have to say that I question this process -- why do I have to go through all of this?  And then I look to Jesus and I see the suffering He went through that He probably didn't want to go through and I continue the fight.  It is not for me it is for Him.

Shine Bright, Firefly, shine bright!

Just some thoughts . . .

December 24th - Christmas Eve!

Merry Christmas!!!  Today I am blogging from the spa- actually I am dictating my blog to Brooke.  I'll be able to finish the blog today if I do it that way!  (For real)  Just a reminder, this is day 2 of my sixth round of chemo.  We've already started the day in a cheerful spirit... sipping tea and making ginger snaps with my new apple green mixer!  It sure does feel like Christmas when there is a lot of hustle and bustle in the house, with the rich smell of cinnamon and Christmas tree wafting through the air and Christmas music playing in the background.  Each day we choose to celebrate.  We could have chosen to have a sullen Christmas this year, but instead we choose to celebrate life, the birth of Jesus our savior and our family and friends.  We hope that you'll choose to celebrate and feast well this holiday with us.  Thank you for being such an amazing gift to me.  Pictures of this morning to come later!

Shine bright firefly, shine bright.  Just some thoughts...

December 22nd - Results

Today I am praising God for the life I have this day.

We never know what the future holds.

It was not in God's timing today to heal me and rid my body of cancer.  In fact, we were met with news that requires Eric and I (really all of us) to put our complete trust and faith in the God of Peace.

Love you all,
s

shine bright firefly, remembering that there is darkness before the dawn

From Eric:
Our meeting with the oncologist today did not go so well.  We learned that the cancer has basically accelerated in almost all of the areas and there are several new spots in her liver, shoulder, spine, and near her gall bladder.  They are still starting chemo tomorrow and she will have it for the next four days.  She was supposed to have a two month break after, but that is no longer the plan.  They will likely do one more cycle with the same chemo drugs and then switch to two totally new ones.  It all depends on how her heart and other major organs are handling the chemo.  The fact of the matter is that this is a horrible horrible cancer and it's terrifying.  Yet, surprisingly I have more peace than one would expect, and right now I currently feel very moved to live this day knowing that Sarah is alive...  The hardest part is the pain because often it makes truly living impossible.  So I hope and pray for control of the pain so that we really can enjoy each new day.

December 21st

Dear Friends and Family,

Thank you for your prayers last night; they could be felt from all around the world.  The healing service was amazing.

Today pain still plagues my left foot and left hip area.  But the great news is that the scheduling of my PETSC went smoothly.  This means that instead of me waiting 2 hours to be seen; they were calling me to see if I was ready (I had a few other appointments before the scan).  Also there were little God moments along the way which were incredible and kept me going.   A familiar x-ray tech shared 2 different miracles in his life.  It was definitely the correct way to start the day.

Things went smoothly during my scan and I finished earlier than expected.  :o)  Woohoo!!

Now we continue to pray with expectant hearts.

Results come tomorrow morning -- 9:30AM  and chemo starts that afternoon.

with love,
s

December 17th

December 15th

December 14th

I hope you all had a wonderful Tuesday!  Mine was very eventful and I didn't have a chance to video blog!  I will update tomorrow.

s

December 13th

Please pray for my left leg, especially my left foot.  The pain has come back.  Thank you so much.  :o)

December 10th

December 9th

December 8th

December 7th

Wedding Pictures!

Take a look at some of the wedding photos!  They made my heart happy!  I hope they make your heart happy too!

http://sweetcarolinephoto.com/slideshows/saraheric2/

love,
s

December 6th

Ready for normalcy. . .

I failed to mention in last entry that I was admitted to MDACC during my outpatient chemotherapy.  I have been in the hospital for the past few days.  Today I was scheduled to go home.  This morning they found that my hemoglobin levels were low so I now need a blood transfusion (basically another 8 hours of the hospital).  The good news is that I will still make it out tonight.

Eric suggested we set up some of our Christmas decorations tonight.  Hopefully that will lift my spirits and mood for a beautiful season -- Christmas.

Shine bright, firefly, shine

Just some thoughts . . .

December 4th

What a rollercoaster . . . if things would have gone as planned, Eric and I would have actually been just been returning from our honeymoon.  But things always seem to have a way changing.

During my chemo session yesterday, my ankle was hurting really badly.  The pain was so bad that it was too hard for me to go to the restroom by myself.  I needed assistance.  I was so embarrassed.

Thankfully I have found relief from my ankle and left side of my leg.  I was able to go to the bathroom without assistance and remember that includes dragging in a humongous machine in with me to kept administering chemotherapy drugs.  It was a huge day!

Thank you for your prayers; they mean so much to me!  You all are wonderful!  Thank you for your love. Have a beautiful evening and a wonderful Sunday!

Love,
s

December 2nd

I finished day two of chemo and my dad is typing this because I cannot keep my eyes open or a thought running. I had an X-ray done yesterday of the ankle and it did not show any evidence of cancer. But the pain continues so please continue praying for me. 

Shine bright firefly shine bright

Just some thoughts

A Glimpse of the Wedding on Nov. 27th!!!!!!!!

A glimpse at first look:

A glimpse at the ceremony:

A glimpse of Most of Nov. 27th:

CLICK on LINK below!!! 

http://sweetcarolinephoto.com/2010/11/28/wedding-timelapse-sarah-eric/

November 29th - PRAY

The wedding was wonderful. Sunday and today, I woke up with tremendous pain in my left ankle. It was so severe that this morning we cancelled our honeymoon. Please pray for healing of my body.

Liberating King,
Set Sarah's body free from the bondage of cancer.
Return her body to your original design for her -- strong, healthy, free.
To your glory Lord, shine your healing light on her
So the chains of cancer are broken forever.
Amen. 

Please pray for Eric.  This new pain on the eve of our honeymoon has been very difficult for him to understand.  ---Like can we ever get a break--- 

Darkness before the dawn. 

Shine bright firefly, shine bright.  

Just some thoughts ...

November 19th

November 17th

November 16th

November 15th - Prayer

Hey, everyone.  I hope you are all doing well.  I was hoping to do a video blog today but time got away from me and then so did the natural light in our house.  :o)

This weekend I went home to San Antonio for the walk thru for the wedding and also to get some r & r.  My blood level counts were low and I ran a low grade fever, but I got to sleep and sleep some more at home.  It was wonderful to see my mom (even if it was just for the few minutes I was awake).  My dad drove me back to Houston on Sunday afternoon.  I arrived in Houston to see my sweet hubby anxiously awaiting my arrival.

Today I found out that my white blood cells are still really low as well as my platelets.  MDACC needs me to come in for daily blood tests until I get my counts in those categories up again.  I have been experiencing a severe sore throat that makes it difficult for me to swallow, especially food and large medicine.

On a more joyful note, today I worked on some of my ceramics at home.  The studio said that I could take home my pieces and work on them if I wasn't feeling up to coming to class.  They are so nice.  I worked on my project all late afternoon.  Tomorrow I have class again.

I am so thankful for your calls, your thoughts, your prayers, and your notes.

Prayer:
I pray with an amazing woman, named Rosemary.  We have been working together for the past 2 months.  Recently, she shared with me that she feels that it would create an amazing calling to God if we all started our prayers with the same beginning.  Rosemary prayed over this thought and this is what she came up with:

Dear Liberating King,
Set Sarah's body free from the bondage of cancer.
Return her body to your original design for her --- strong, healthy, free.
To your glory Lord shine your healing light on her, so the chains of cancer are broken forever . . .

Just a thought :o) (again this could be how you start a prayer that you were saying for me)

Pray Requests:   higher blood level counts especially my platelet count and my white blood cell count and that my sore throat would go away.

Love you all.  Shine bright, firefly, shine bright.

Just some thoughts.

November 11th

Happy Birthday, Leita!!

Here is Leita's Caring Bridge Site:  http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/leitacarter

November 10th

November 9th

November 8th

Today was an extremely long day.  I was at MD Anderson from 9:00-4:30.  I will share with you all tomorrow.  And remember that each of you is a blessing in my life.  Thank you for taking the time to check in on me.  

November 5

Novemer 4th

Novemer 2nd

 

Novemer 1

10/28/10

10/27/10

Hello, all.  I hope that this Wednesday finds you well.  I am doing well emotionally.  I am not allowing my mind to wander to dark places as the pain still lingers from my hips to my upper chest.  I will be meeting with my oncologist tomorrow and we will work on a pain management plan among preparations for my fourth round of chemo.  Yay, fourth round!

One thing I have noticed with this pain, maybe some of you can relate, is that I tend to react quickly and at times sharply in situations.  When I say sharp, I definitely don't mean with intelligence.  Pain has the ability to change someone's personality because it causes so much hurt.  In the midst of this situation, I am working through the pain and the "sharpness" that sputters out of my mouth if I am not careful.

Last night at small group we were finishing up James 4: 13-17.  In a nutshell, this section is about the importance of following God's will in your life.  At times, especially when we are seeing success, we tend to leave God out of our plans.  We often say that we are going to do this and that over the next year and in reality all we know is the present day.  As you all know, Eric and I know fully what this passage means.  We had plans for our marriage celebration and for the first year of marriage, but obviously those plans have changed and changed again.  As my father says:  the one thing we can count on is that our plans will change.  :o)  God is fully in control of our life.  We know this.  Being in such a desperate situation allows a person to choose bitterness and denial or joy and a conquering heart.  Eric and I choose the latter with God leading our way.

James 4: 15 It would be best to say, "If it is the Lord's will and we live long enough, we hope to do this project or pursue this dream."  

10/26/10

10/25/10

10/21/10

10/21/20

A blog will be coming soon.  I am off to the airport to get my sister!  I am waiting to get permission to post a story from yesterday.  (I hope I get it!  It is a God Moment!)

I am doing well!  Love you all!

10/19/10 My Birthday!

10/18/10

10/15/10

10/14/10

10/13/10

10/12/10

10/11/10

Today was the first day of my grieving process through my journey with cancer.  All of a sudden a blanket of sadness and despair fell over me when I woke up from my nap this morning.  I long for my old life, my life free from sickness.  I long for having a normal day.  I long for doing whatever whenever I want.  I called my mother.  And she listened to me grieve.  I called my father, too.  And he listened to me grieve.  I am so thankful for my parents.  And in the midst of it, my eric called.  Just checking in.  And he listened, too.

Today was a hard day.  But I have much to be thankful for 1) I am alive, 2) I have my nausea under control -- my friend Monica is struggling with this, and 3) I have a disease that most people have heard about and understand -- my friend Leita is struggling with this.

Shine bright, firefly, shine bright.

Just some thoughts . . .

10/10/10

Pumpkin Patch Day Photos!

October 7th

October 6th

October 5th

So I am a couple of days out from chemo and I am tired.  Today my body aches, but I am chipper.  I had 2 guests helping me today.  

Tonight Eric and I will go to small group and sing praises to the Lord for the healing that He has done and will do in the future.   We will bask in the community that has surrounded us through so much.  Tonight is worship night:  which means anything goes.  We will be mostly catching up with each other in a deep way and sharing verses that have stood out the past week.  I love worship night, the music melting harden hearts and bringing us back to God.

Shine Bright, Firefly, Shine Bright

Just some thoughts . . .

October 4th

Chemo Round 3 Day 3

October 1st

September 29th

September 28th

A Song that was Spoken as a Benediction one Sunday at church.

Draw Thou My Soul, O Christ" - A Hymn by Lucy Larcom

Draw thou my soul, O Christ, 

Closer to thine;

Breathe into every wish

Thy will divine!

Raise my low self above,

Won by thy deathless love;

Ever, O Christ, through mine

Let thy life shine.

Lead forth my soul, O Christ,

One with thine own,

Joyful to follow the

Through paths unknown!

In the my strength renew;

Give me my work to do!

Through me thy truth be shown,

Thy love made known.

Not for myself alone

May my prayer be;

Lift thou thy world, O Christ,

Closer to thee!

Cleanse it from guilt and wrong;

Teach it salvation's song,

Till earth, as heaven, fulfill

God's holy will.  Amen.

Have a blessed day! 

Shine bright firefly, shine bright.

Just some thoughts . . .

September 27th

September 23rd

September 22nd

September 21st

This is an email I just had to share written by my friend Alissa Hollimon as she works in Zambia:

I was hanging out today in a community school and orphanage and was talking to kids about God and love.  They were asking me about America and one child asked me if we had sickness in the USA like they do in Zambia.  I told them yes and then went on to explain how my mom had died from sickness and began to talk about your struggle as well.  At the end of me talking a sweet little girl (she has lost both parents due to AIDS) looked at me and said "We need to pray for Sarah RIGHT NOW"  And we did, all 150 kids, teachers, head masters and myself, in a tiny run down church in the middle of a slum in Africa.  And I loved it.  The teachers were on their knees and it was so powerful.  I wish you could have been here.

 Afterwards the kids wanted me to take a photo of them and send you their "snap."  So here are just a few of the kids who have begun praying hard for you everyday!

September 20th

September 19th -- My Sister's 30th Birthday!

Today is an extra special day.  My sister is turning the big 3-0.  Yes, that is right, she is 30 years old!  Quite an accomplishment!  Brooke, Happy, Happy Birthday!  I LOVE YOU dearly!  And don't you worry, dear, you are still a spring chicken!  :o)

Another thing that is special about this day is that I went for my first walk!  Woohoo!  For those of you who know me quite well, I love walking and running.  With the recent diagnosis of the cancer being in the hip bone area, I was pretty crushed at the implications it would have on my physical ability.   My pain had been so severe I could barely get around.  Eric confessed to me today that he thought that we might never go on walks again because of my pain.  But today I sing LOUD praises for being pain free for about a week!  I sing even more praise for the ability to walk to a coffee shop just a few blocks away from our house.  The breeze in the air refreshed our bodies and souls on that walk.  Eric and I will conquer cancer one step at a time.  :o)

Shine Bright Firefly, Shine Bright

Just some thoughts . . .

September 17th

September 16th

I said the wrong date on the video.  I recorded the video, today September 16th!  (Remember no editing here!)

September 15th

September 14th

The shot of this video is not very good.  My head looks huge and weird -- of course I am blaming it on my camera shot!  I will work out the kinks of laptop recording.  :o)

Chemo 2 Day 4

Technical difficulties resolved... here is Sarah's most recent video with first time footage of the husband... much love to you all for all the encouraging responses Sarah has received from you.  It means the world to her, and I'm very thankful that you help remind her of how precious she is with your virtual yet tangible displays of love .  Keep them coming!  -Eric 

September 13

I tried to post a video of Eric and I yesterday and all this morning!!!!  I have been having some technical difficulties.  Surprise.  Surprise. . . . I know it actually is surprising that I would have some technological issues.  I am pretty sharp, especially after completing my 11 Tools of professional development this summer.  :o)  

I am doing really well today.  Just taking it easy.  Since I was having difficulties with my videos, I thought I might write.  I hope to still post yesterday's video because Eric was making a cameo appearance.   This round of chemo was better than the first.  I am able to focus and to construct sentences for this blog!  Which is huge.  

Today I want you to check out my friend Leita Carter's Caring Bridge site.  She is an amazing person who is battling 2 rare diseases.  click this link http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/leitacarter 

Shine Bright Firefly, Shine Bright

just some thoughts

September 11th - Chemo 2 Day 3

September 10th - Chemo 2 Day 2

September 9th

September 8th

Hello friends!

I just wanted to let you know that I will be posting tomorrow morning.  Today was quite an wonderful day visiting my children, past, present, and future at MWE.  I am in much need of rest :o) so I am off to nap.  Tomorrow I start my second round of chemo after meeting with my oncologist at 1 pm.  Thank you for your constant prayers.

Shine Bright Firefly, Shine Bright

Just Some Thoughts

September 7th

Just click the play sign and the movie should start!  :o)

Labor Day

September 5th

For some reason the picture is not showing up.  HOWEVER, the video still works!  YAY!  Just click on the play button! 

WIG Celebration Video

Check out the video posted September 3rd -- "We all Wigged Up ..."

http://meadowwoodelementary.blogspot.com/

September - Devotional

September 2nd

September 1st - Flower Arrangement

August 31 - My Wig

A fun entry:

Prayer Needed:  Tomorrow morning I am going in to MDA for x-rays of my hips to see if I have fractures.  Please pray for the pain to subside.  Thank you.

August 30th - Bridal Protrait

Today I wanted to share with you this beautiful gift I received.

In the midst of planning a wedding, one of things I opted out of was a wedding portrait.  But guess what!?  I received the most perfect bridal portrait I could have ever wanted.  My MWE community blessed me with this gift.  An amazing teacher Ashley Johnson created my portrait out of found objects and wrote a poem that goes with it.  So today I share with you:

The Bridal Portrait

Something old, something new

Here's a little reminder of what we think of you . . .

A megaphone mouth for your loud infectious laugh

the Meadow Wood Cheerleader

You always rally the staff.

Your ideas are marked with questions so great,

Light bulb earrings to 

represent this thought provoking trait.

Running shoes laced up tight

show your sporty way and your will to fight.

A pencil sharp nose, a writer just fine

Passing that love to kids down the line.

A cross on a necklace for faith so strong

we know without a doubt

teaching is where you belong.

Lastly a special ring that says, "I do"

Shine bright firefly, and happy wedding to you!

Something old, something new

Mrs. Hughes, we are so happy for you!

August 29th - Wedding & Devotional

TONS of technical difficulty today. At first it only loaded half of the video and it has failed to load the past 3 attempts.  But I will try, try again.  :o)

August 28th

August 27th

August 26th

August 25th

August 24th

August 23rd

Chemo Day 4

Today was a little harder than the other days.  My mind is not as quick as it has been.  The word I am using to describe myself is "slow".  Conversations are harder because processing words has been difficult.  I can only concentrate on one thing at a time. 

Tomorrow I get rid of my backpack of chemo and mesna! 

I started this at 7:36 and now it is 8:08.  I am going to sign off for now.  I think I will try a video blog tomorrow.  (unedited --- get excited!)

Love you all!

PS  My students starts school tomorrow.  They are going to get a  card from Eric and I about new beginnings.  I know that they are in good hands.  :o)

Chemo Day 3

I have made it through 3 days of chemo ... only one left!  Woohoo!  I am feeling pretty good.  I sleep a lot and rest a lot, but I am still eating and happy.  :o)  So thank you for your prayers.  I know that the following days will get harder as the chemo really starts moving through out my body so please keep praying for no neurological side effects.  Thank you!

Our house is coming together with the help of sooooo many people.  I feel enveloped in love.  Words cannot express how much you all have done for us, prayed for us, and loved us.  Thank you. 

Today I am going to look for a cranium prosthesis (aka a fun wig) to wear once my hair falls out.  YAY! 

I have lots of stories to share . . . just not enough time.  I love you all! 

Chemo Day 1

I am proud to say Chemo Day 1 is over ... well kind of (I have a chemo backpack administering medicine to me at home). 

Today I was blessed with a wonderful nurse named Marco.  And, yes, I replied "Polo" every time he announced that he was coming in the room.  It definitely helped lighten the mood.  Everything went fine today . . . smooth sailing.  I really haven't experienced bad side effects -- we have fervently been praying against them.   I am a little dizzy (even typing this) but it doesn't stop me. :o)

During treatment, I have my own room equipped with tv, dvd, and comfy bed.  The medicine is going into my catheter easily and without pain!  So praise God for no IVs! 

Eric and I are submersed in your prayers.  We feel them constantly.  Thank you for devoting yourself to prayer.  This morning Eric and I were reading a devotional from Streams in the Desert.  It is a book that Leita gave to me to read as we both encounter our illnesses.  The book has played an important part in starting off my days lately.  Eric reads aloud the devotional and we pray together.  I know that sometimes when people get married it is hard to find time to spend with God but I rejoice that because of our desperate circumstances we are humbly on our knees drawing closer to God.  I am so much stronger because of this journey than I would have been otherwise.  I know I am going to kick cancer's butt.  I know that glory will come to my almighty God.

Eric and I have been blessed by so many people.  I hope to blog about my PERFECT wedding tomorrow.

just some thoughts . . .

shine bright firefly, shine bright

The Good and The Bad

Words cannot even begin to express how completely blessed Eric and I have been by all of you, my precious family and friends.

My wedding was PERFECT!  Yes, PERFECT!  I can't wait to blog about it.  (I promise later this week!!)

But today I call on you earnestly to devote yourself to prayer.  The season that I am in right now requires a miracle.  Today I found out more results.  My PET scan showed that the cancer has now spread to my bones -- evidenced in the hips and pelvic region.  My treatment will stay the same, but now I need a miracle for healing.  I truly believe Abba Father can move mountains.  I trust that my God in heaven will take care of me.  I know that this difficult journey has already brought tremendous glory to God.  I embrace this valley as I know my creator will be glorified.  I humbly ask that you would devote these next few months to diligently crying out to our God for a miracle and that I would continue to be a bright light during such a dire circumstance.

Shine bright firefly, shine bright.

Somebody's Getting Married!

Eric and I decided this morning that we wanted to get married tomorrow! 

Our amazing church community has pooled together and planned our wedding.  It is so beautiful to see how our community loves, cares, and lifts up their brothers and sisters.  Thank you ALL!

Just thought I would share some great news today!!

1st Meeting with Oncologist

Written Thursday, August 12th, 2010

Where do I begin . . .
A) the point where I am encapsulated in tremendous peace, a peace that transcends all understanding
or
B) the journey that brought me to this point?

Of course, I am going to start with the journey! Chronological order, people!

Today was my first day back to school! It felt great to be surrounded by people who love children and love teaching. It was great being back with my team albeit for a short time. I thank God for my Meadow Wood community.

That joyous feeling was soon overcome by a dark, ominous cloud.

I learned that seeing my new scar for the first time on April 8 was not one of the hardest times of my life as I had once previously thought (see an earlier blog entry). Nope, today my medical oncologist shook me to the core. She showed us 6 tumors in my lungs on my latest CT scan, 3 on each side. They were about the size of nickels. My cancer is now in Stage 4 as it has metastasized. My CT scan just 4 months earlier was clear so this means that the cancer is pretty aggressive. My unclassified soft-tissue sarcoma is very rare. They are not sure why my arm is completely clear of disease while my lungs are showing rapid metastasis. Because of these uncertainties and the very nature of sarcomas, my medical oncologist wants to proceed with the most aggressive chemotherapy treatment.

She asked us, do you want to proceed with the most aggressive treatment?

Eric asked, "Well, what does that mean?"

Her response, Sarah, you will be wearing a wig to your wedding in November. first blow  While it was a shock to hear the words out loud, I was preparing myself for that.

She continued, we will start you on a combination of 2 drugs through a catheter (to your heart). You will have chemo for 4 days straight, 5 hours each day. On the first 3 days you take home more chemo drugs in a bag that feed into your catheter. Then you will rest and let your body heal for 2 weeks and we start the second cycle. Of course my immediate reaction was "how am I going to teach?" Her recommendation was that I might need to take a leave of absence. WHAT??? Now this had NEVER crossed my mind. HUGE second blow

When do we need to start? Next week.

Are you ready to start treatment? she asks. Honestly, I answer no. (I have my students, I have my wedding, I have my normal way of life. NO I am not ready to start treatment. ) She then reminds me of my rare sarcoma and that time is of the essence. My mom, my dad, and Eric are all dumbfounded as the news keeps coming. third blow

Fertility became the next discussion topic. As many know, chemo wreaks havoc on the ovaries. She reminds us of that risk. We are then informed that there isn’t enough time to harvest eggs before we need to start treatment. However, she does give us another option of inducing menopause taking Lupron (sp?) to protect my eggs. fourth blow

Then she rattles off my schedule: heart tests, Chemo training, PET scan Friday; catheter installation Tuesday; and Chemo starts Wednesday.

Four people leave the room devastated. Even our oncologist tears up.

How can all of this be happening?

But if you remember the beginning of this entry there was a part A. As I write this entry, I am hopeful and peaceful. This evening we had a church “retreat” for small group leaders. There was no doubt in my mind that Eric and I needed to be there. We were prayed over and loved on and our heavy hearts were lightened. We also feel your prayers from afar. I would not be in this restful place if it weren’t for your prayers, for your notes, for your offers of help, for your texts, for your calls. While we weren’t expecting these 4 blows today, they are the hand we have been dealt. Time will show the beauty that results and the divine purpose.

Shine bright firefly, shine bright. – In the midst of the darkness, the holy spirit with shine within me. – Shine bright firefly, shine bright.

Oncologist - Thursday at 1:30 PM

My oncologist had a cancellation so I will be able to see her tomorrow at 1:30 PM.  Eric and my parents will be at this appointment.  My appointment tomorrow is great news so that I can keep moving forward in this process.  Unfortunately, it happens to be when I am supposed to be presenting our curriculum program to my faculty.  The good news is that we present as a team . . . so hopefully everything will be just fine.  Another great thing is that my faculty piloted this program so it is old hat.

Again, thanks so much for your words, prayers, thoughts and love.  I know that I am not alone. 

p.s. I woke up today at 2 am hoping it was all a dream.  Apparently it is not. 

CT Scan Results, Next Step a PET Scan

Today was a difficult day. 

"Sarah, I have bad news."

Hearing those words from anyone at MD Anderson is heart-wrenching.  Today, Dr. Lin called me and informed in that my CT Scan showed small spots on my lungs.  This of course is a change from my CT Scan just 4 months ago.  While Eric and I knew that this indeed was a possiblity, I had convinced myself that everything would be just fine.  I found myself in disbelief.  I have very few details -- my mind could not think of any questions. 

What I do know:
*I am scheduled for a head to toe PET Scan on Friday at 2:30
*I am going to be meeting with an oncologist next week to discuss results and treatment
*Dr. Lin says I will most likely have chemo

When I was first diagnoised I heard God say to me, "Sarah, you are going to be fine because I have you in my arms, but it is not going to be as easy as you think."  I didn't share this with many people because everything was looking really good and I thought I was being overally dramatic.  Now I understand.  It is beautiful to see how God has constantly provided for me (and Eric) and I know that He will do so through this experience. 

Although, I do find myself wondering -- Why me?  Honestly, I feel like I have already gone through a lot in my life and I just don't understand this trial.  Please pray for me especially with the beginning of the school year.  I was so excited to start this year healthy and strong.  I WILL start the year strong and I WILL love my children with all of my heart but please pray for strength and health.  I want to be able to give them my ALL every day.  On another note, I am getting married in November.  My marriage is quickly approaching with so many unknowns.  While we never know what the future holds, it is definitely easy to let my mind wander down the path of "what if's . . ."  Please pray that I will conquer cancer and enter my marriage strong.  Please pray for Eric and strength and guidance during this time. 

Love you all. Thank you for reading.  Wish I could bring better news today. 

Results from Follow Up

I just finished up my appointments today.  My plastic surgeon, Dr. Adelman, is pleased with the healing but NOT pleased with me wearing sleeve-less shirts.  Yes, I had the divine luck of running past Dr. Adelman on Allen Parkway this past Saturday.  I knew the man with the Yale shirt looked very familiar.  I questioned, "Could this be Dr. Adelman taking a morning jog??"  Since he was out of his element, I was not sure.  I just ran and smiled. 

Well, today, he said, "Were you running on Saturday?"  My response, "Yes, I KNEW it was you!!"  He replied, "Well, I didn't recognize you in the sleeve-less shirt you were NOT supposed to be wearing."  "Dr. Adelman, I told you I wore sleeve-less shirts.  I told you.  I wear 60 spf sunscreen everyday."  Anyway, long story short, I left feeling like I wasn't really taking care of my scar.  But oh well, it's Houston and it's HOT!!!

My follow up with Dr. Lin was brief.  He is a man of few words with a direct point.  I really respect him.  My chest x-rays were clear and my MRI looked pretty good.  Since I just had surgery on my arm, the imaging looked intense but normal for post surgery.  However, Dr. Lin stated that he noticed a interesting shadow on the MRI that appeared under my arm/lung.  Since my chest x-ray was clear, he doesn't think it has to do with the lungs.  He however wants to be certain, so I will have a CT scan on Friday.  (I hate CT scans)

Oh well.  So I will keep carrying on. :o)  Thanks for reading.

First 3 Month Follow Up

Today, I will have my first 3 month follow up from my April surgery.  I sent Friday at MD Anderson getting an MRI, chest x-rays, and x-rays of the right humorous.  In July Dr. Adelmen revised my incision eliminating the extra pointed skin.  I have to say it is a little weird not having a mini cone on my arm :o).  But yes, I think I can handle it!  My good friend Courtney is giving up her afternoon to be with me for my follow up appointments.  She is wonderful. 

Eric is about to complete a 26 hour drive to Salt Lake City.  He is on a business trip touring the west with Garrett Finney, mastermind of Cricket Trailer.  http://crickettrailer.com/.  Tomorrow there is a huge trade show for outdoor enthusiasts.  Hopefully they will get some orders for the cricket!  Now off to MD Anderson. 

Engagement Photos Done!!

Yesterday, our wonderful photographer posted our engagement photos on her website.  You should check them out; they are incredible.  www.sweetcarolinephoto.com  If you or anyone needs photos taken, Caroline is sooo talented and so pleasant!  She listens and tweaks ideas!  Caroline has a gift and we are so blessed that she is taking our wedding photos as well. 

The wedding planning process is a wonderful one full of learning.  It always comes back to what is important, really?  And the answer to that question is the life-long commitment Eric and I are making to each other and the wonderful blessing of spending a life with someone you adore and who adores you.   And the party that celebrates this blessing and commitment is really fun too -- BUT extra.

I have been reading Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas.  Thomas looks at marriage as a spiritual discipline not a path to happiness.  I appreciate his realness.  He helps put marriage in perspective. 

"Marriage calls us to an entirely new and selfless life. . . I believe the primary purpose of marriage is to model God's love for his church. . . . The first purpose of marriage --beyond happiness, sexual expression, the bearing of children, companionship, mutual care and provision, or anything else -- is to please God." 

If I enter my marriage with the mindset that my goal is to please God -- can you imagine how life changing that will be for Eric and I!

Anyway, just some thoughts.



 

School's Out for Summer!

So, I made a goal for this summer to read the chapter books in my classroom library that I have not already read.

Frindle by Andrew Clements
I love, love, love this book!  Clements has a way with words that keeps the reader involved.  I will be recommending it to my students for sure!

The Lemonade War by Jacqueline Davies
I liked that this book used economics throughout the plot.  Children can relate to selling lemonade and having a feud with their siblings.  It was slow in parts but I really do like the economics aspect.

Umbrella Summer by Lisa Graff
The theme of this book is outstanding.  The main character is dealing with the sudden death of her brother Jared.  I highly recommend this book for adults too.

A selection:  "Maybe it took one person to open an umbrella and stick it up in the air to block out the rain, but it took a whole lot of people to close it.  And even though I was pretty sure I still had a few more inches to go, I knew that once my umbrella was all the way closed, I was going to keep it like that for a long time.  Because as it turned out, I sure did like the sunshine."

I can't believe it's May!

So . . . as you can imagine, my life has gotten very busy!  Have I told you that I am getting married!  WOOHOO! 

It is amazing to see how God has moved through my life already this year.  I am constantly in awe of the how He is sharpening me.  Let's just say planning a wedding can bring out the best in you OR the worst in you!  This past week was crazy.  But God brought me a peace that this process isn't worth the stress and He whispered gentle reminders of His faithfulness.

I once again see the beauty of sharing a life together with the man I love and not just the stress of preparing for one day. 

 I know I will continue to learn beautiful things through this process. 
Love you guys!

Going to the Chapel . . .

And I'm Gonna Get Married . . .


Wow . . . what a year this has been and it is only APRIL!  Abundant blessings have rained down on me.  I thank God for the challenges he put in front of me with the mass formerly known as Cecil.  I learned more during those 6 weeks than I have in a really long time.  For those of you who don't know, I was diagnosed with cancer the day after Ash Wednesday (the beginning of Lent) and my final surgery at MD Anderson was on Maundy Thursday (the end of Lent).  The things I knew that needed to work through were suddenly brought to light and there was resolve and reconciliation.  Seriously, God is so faithful. 


Which brings me to this weekend!


On Saturday it POURED but Eric and I made it out to Leita's house for a visit.  Of course I took her my favorite cookies in the world, Lilly's Cookies.  She was able to enjoy a margarita even though it was a sugar cookie!  Eric and I walked away from Leita's house in AWE.  She is one of the most positive people you will ever meet, very similar to my mother who has rheumatoid arthritis.  It was so great to see her.  She continues to make progress.  We have matching scars . . . however she has more and they are on her stomach.  She has Chester, the amazing dog, to protect her chest and stomach. And she gave me my very own amazing elephant, now known as Knight in Shining Armor to protect my arm.  Please continue to pray for healing and her pain to subside so that she can begin getting off her pain medications.


Later that day . . .  on April 17th Eric Benjamin Hughes asked me to marry him!


Eric tells the story so much better than I do.  I actually might have him write in and then post it!  He is such an amazing writer.

I am thrilled that I will get to spend the rest of my life with such a respectful, loving, loyal man.  YAY!

My family is happy that I am spending the rest of my life with such a respectful, loving, loyal man, too!  My dad was a little preoccupied with the grill that was on fire outside!  Smoke from the fire:

And the there is the ring, OH HOW I LOVE THE RING! 

Eric designed it and had it made.

Love you all!  Thanks for reading!  I have much to be thankful for!

 

Thursday, April 8th - One of the Hardest Days

Thursday was one of the hardest days of my life, even harder than being diagnosed with cancer and all of the uncertainty around that.

On Thursday I went back to my plastic surgeon for my post op appointment and to get my stitches removed.  Up until this point, I had not seen my incision.  My good friend Melissa went with me to support me through this process.  I didn't realize how important it was for her to be with me until Dr. Adelman slowly took off the dressing.

I had been warned by my family that Dr. Adelman said that there was extra skin that had to be gathered up when closing the incision.  But nothing prepared me for what I saw.  I was horrified.  My upper arm was still bruised and swollen.  The incision was longer than I had expected.  My extra skin stuck off of my skin like little mountains at the ends of the incisions. 

"Oh my gosh!  I have mountains on my arms!" I gasped as I look away from my incision.  I grabbed Dr. Adelman's wrist and said, "There are mountains on my arm."  He calmly said that is was just extra skin that he would be able to remove in his office in two or three months, after the wound has healed more. 

I really couldn't believe what I saw.  After struggling to pull the thread out of my arm, Dr. Adelman finally got my stitches out.  I asked him to cover it back up with gauze and tape.  I wasn't ready for anyone else to see it, except Melissa.  I needed some time to come to terms with it first.

As Melissa and I walked to the elevator, tears filled my eyes.  "Melissa, I have nipples on my arms."  We semi-laughed together.  We both talked about how it could have been much worse.  Melissa let me share my insecurities and let me be sad.  I am so glad Melissa came to this appointment.  I needed a woman, who could understand how hard it is to see your body change in front of your eyes.

On the car ride home, I learned that Melissa had gone to the doctor with two of her best friends when they saw their incisions for the first time after having mastectomies.  Again, I counted my blessings that this involved only my arm.  I knew that she was the perfect person to share this experience with; she understood.

After working half day with my children, I came home and decided I needed to exercise to get some endophrines going in my body.  When I was changing clothes, I decided to take off my bandage.  I looked in the mirror for the first time.  Uncontrollable sobs filled the bathroom.  I felt like a freak.  How could all this be happening to me?  I was a healthy 27 year old.

Thursday I mourned my arm.  I know that it sounds crazy and maybe vain, but I needed to cry.  Eric held me and said I was beautiful.  He told me it was okay to cry.  He allowed me that time.  The night ended with all of the things I am thankful for . . . not having a stub for an arm, not having chemo, having a cancer that is treatable quite possibly with only surgery, living in Houston close to MD Anderson, and knowing God is taking care of me.

I know I am in His hands and I am thankful He took on a marred appearance to save me. 

Today is Saturday and I am completely fine with my "new look".  My arm and I spent the day bonding as I wore a tank top around the house.  Today I can laugh about my arm.  Time heals. 

 

Pray for Kate

I know . . . give me time and I will write and write and write.

Yesterday at my church's Easter service, I met a sweet 6 year old girl named Kate Mcrae.  She and her family are amazing.  They have traveled to Houston for Kate to receive treatment at MD Anderson.  Her story is one that you will not forget.  I know that we are all busy but I urge you to read it.


http://www.prayforkate.com/
A Day in the Life of Kate

Kate and Lucy hold a special place in my heart.

Hmmmm . . .

God has this way of putting people on my heart.  I will be driving to work and all of sudden I will have some one weighing on my heart . . . out of the blue.  I thank Him for trusting me to listen. 

Two weeks ago God placed a teacher I work with Kelly Schuler on my heart as I was driving to work.  I had no idea why but I decided I would send Kelly an email that I was thinking about her.  Life continued on. 

Today I read my school email and learned that Kelly's daughter, Lucy, was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia on Good Friday.  Lucy has already begun her chemo treatments.  Her website is http://www.lucillelorraine.com/.  I ache for the Schuler's . . . I understand the uncertainity.  I know that Kelly and Bruce will bear the brunt of this journey as I know that my parents have -- and not me.

I wish I could take on little Lucy's chemo instead.  At times I struggle with survivor's guilt -- why has it been so easy for me?  I have to immediately channel those feelings to God having a definite purpose for these events.   That He is preparing me for holding someone's hand, that He is showing me how my mother has felt all her life, I know that there is a purpose.  I just wish I could make everyone better.  But I know, as Leita and I have been talking about our journeys and struggles with illness, we become the people of God has called us to be through the challenges, through the illnesses. 

Leita is doing well.  She is stuck in her house right now and experiences pain, but she is still upbeat and positive.  I hope that she will write a book one day.  Her words and her faith are beautiful and I wish she would share them with you! 

So today, I thank you for reading and I ask you to check out Lucy's Website.  I also ask that you would continue to pray for Leita and her healing. 

With love,
s

It's A New Day . . . Happy Easter ALL!

It is a NEW DAY! 

I have two hands to type again.  :o)

The past two days I had the misfortunate of painstakingly attempting two other postings using my less dominant hand.  When I was about to push "publish post",  I encountered the dreaded "error" message.  Instead of attacking my computer in retribution, I left it to sit by itself in time out.  But now time out is over.

I am going to keep it short and simple tonight.

In complete awe, I celebrate this Easter knowing that I am not in control of my life and that I will never be.  I thank God for this "trying" Lenten Season and the unknowns that have become triumphs.  I thank each and every one of you for keeping me close in thought and prayer. 

The sunshine did me well today.
I hope you all had a glorious day celebrating the Risen Lord!

Message from Eric

HEY ALL... this is Eric,


Just a quick note to let you know that Sarah is doing well! She is back home and sleeping. Which unfortunately prevents us from being able to experience the hilarious ramblings of Sarah on drugs post surgery... as her hospital visitors can attest to. Apparently she had the anesthetist and surgeon rolling after they slipped her the feel happy drugs pre-surgery. When I spoke with them just before they wheeled her off I asked "How do you know if it's kicking in." They laughed and said that with Sarah it's a bit more difficult since she's always so upbeat and talkative. So, all went smoothly with the surgery, as they received clean margins on the area that was removed and no skin graft was required! We have been very fortunate to see continual blessings and better and better news as this whole process has progressed. Thank you all for your support, love, prayers, and encouragement during this process.

Surgery Date is Set

I have more appointments next week. I will have blood work done again, meet with my orthopedic surgeon, meet with my anesthesiologist, and fill out my pre-op paperwork.

My surgery will be at MD Anderson on Thursday, April 1st.  My parents will be coming in to support me, and they will be here for me however I need them.  They are wonderful!

Love,
s

Plan A, B, C, & D

Today I went to see my plastic surgeon at MD Anderson.   Eric came with me to be another set of ears.   I really appreciated him being there.  MD Anderson never ceases to be intimidating.  I have uncovered some parking techniques and elevator knowledge that helps me zip right in . . . but I never seem to know how to get out.  :o)

Dr. Adelman seems like a good surgeon; he was informative and laughed at my jokes.  He definitely had a nice bedside manner.  He basically told Eric and I what his role might be during my next surgery.
Plan A: Nothing, my orthopedic surgeon will remove the cancer cells and close up the arm
Plan B: He will move around some arm tissue and close the incision
Plan C: Create a skin graft, remove skin from my groin or upper thigh and move it to my arm -- my arm would have to stay immobile 7 days for the graft to take
Plan D: Move muscle from my back to my arm -- if so much is removed they need more tissue

He most likely thinks it will be A or B but he wanted to give me the other two options just in case.
I will have a pre-op appointment with my orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Lin, and then an appointment with my anesthesiologist.  Surgery is tentatively set for next Thursday, April 1st. hmmm... april fools. But it is also Maundy Thursday so I think they will balance each other out! 

Thanks for reading,
s

Grant: I wish you would have answered your phone today

On my drive home from work today, I wanted to call my friend Grant. The weather was mild and sunny and I had a pretty good day; it seemed like the perfect day to call my friend. I looked through my contact list and found his name. I looked at the letters G-r-a-n-t and the phone number that has yet to be erased. I longed to talk to him today.

It hits me out of nowhere. I will hear a funny joke or see a movie advertisement and I will think of Grant. In those moments, I am sent back to a season in my life in which I was entertained by the greatest comedian I will ever know. If you ever had the opportunity to meet him, you know exactly what I mean. Yet, behind all of the laughs, was an amazingly, courageous man battling such a damaging disease, vasculitis.

I like to think that Grant is putting in good words for me in heaven, my guardian angel if you will. I look forward to seeing him again and thanking him in person (or spirit). Next month will be the one year anniversary of Grant's passing. I know that he is in a much better place, free of pain and needles and dialysis machines. But sometimes, I selfishly want him here. I want to hang out and watch movies. I want to laugh at his jokes. I want to sit by his side and keep him company.

So tonight, Grant, thank you for being a friend to many and an inspiration to all. You will always have a place in my heart. I love you, friend.

Consult with Plastics Scheduled and Giving Back

Wednesday, March 24th I will have a consultation with my new plastic surgeon from MD Anderson.  This should bring me a step closer to having the actual surgery.

On another note, today I filled out volunteer information for MD Anderson.  As I have journeyed through being diagnosed with cancer and all of the unknowns, I have decided that I want to help others in the same situations I faced.  I am not sure what it will look like, but it is clear that I want to help people experiencing such a difficult time in their lives.  I look forward to the challenges that lay ahead of me serving in this way.  I know that God has great plans for me and I truly believe that He wants me to be light in a very uncertain place. 

Love,
s

Still in Awe . . .

I wanted to thank you for your prayers for my dear friend Leita.  It has truly been a blessing to be able to share my experience with her and for her to share with me.  It is amazing how hard circumstances have the ability to pull people together again. 

Leita is out the hospital and hopefully flying home to San Antonio today.  The travel has been hard on her body, but she has such a brillant attitude!  She is slowly introducing new foods into her diet and has not thrown up!  It is wonderful!  Just imagine for a minute reexperiencing food again . . . the tastes, the textures, the smells . . . It is a miracle. 

Today I had my ultrasound and they did not find any blood clots!  Woohoo!  But just remember, I am bit unique.  So instead they discovered that I have positional thrombosis.  From what I gather, it just means that when I put my arms over my head the vein constricts and very little blood can flow through.  This can cause me to be light headed.   It is rare and they decided to take a video of my vein as I moved my arm up and down.  I felt pretty proud that I could help develop the minds of medical professionals with my weird-ness.

And the second best advice I have received, "Do not walk around with your hands over your head." 

Love you all.

GREAT News!

In complete adoration, I praise my Father in Heaven. 

Psalm 145

You have been on journey with me full of highs and lows, of unknowns and truths, and of praise and petition.  Today I come to you with wonderful news.  News that would not have been possible without you constant prayers.  I truly believe God intervened in so many ways.  I am still in the midst of meditating on His awesome works, but I have to share with you and proclaim His goodness.

Today I spoke with Dr. Lin, my surgeon from MD Anderson, and he verified that all of the new tests show that the cancer has NOT spread.  Because the cancer has not spread, is superficial, and small, the Sarcoma Conference decided that neither chemotherapy nor radiation would be necessary.  NEITHER!  However, had my cancer been the Extraskeletal Ewing's Sarcoma that was first diagnosed, it would have required chemotherapy.  I account this good news to God answering prayers and holding me tight.

This is a huge relief and PRAISE.  I asked God, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me.  Yet not as I will, but as you will."  The cup has been taken from me.

I will have surgery to remove all of the cells that are malignant until there are clear margins.  This will most likely occur in the next month.  Dr. Lin said he could schedule it next week, but he would feel better if there was a plastic surgeon standing by if they have to use a skin graft to close the incision.  Plastic surgeons are busy and Dr. Lin thinks it could take a month for it to be scheduled.  He is not worried about waiting until then.  After the surgery, I will have routine observations to monitor the area.

There is one concern; he thinks that I might have a blood clot in my right shoulder.  Tomorrow I will go for an ultrasound at 8:30 AM to see if that is the case or if I just have a narrow vein.  If it is a blood clot, then I will start blood thinners by injection daily.  Really no big deal -- compared to what I what I was up against.

I will continue to keep you updated.  Again thank you for your concern and you love and your intercession.

With love, hugs and gratitude,
s

And Still Waiting . . .

This life, therefore, is not godliness but the process of becoming godly, not health but getting well, not being but becoming, not rest but exercise.  We are not now what we shall be, but we are on the way.  The process is not yet finished, but it is actively going on.  This is not the goal but it is the right road.  At present, everything does not gleam and sparkle, but everything is being cleansed. --Martin Luther

This Luther quote has been on my heart since I was introduced to it at small group a few weeks ago.  At times I find myself frustrated with waiting and more waiting.  My ability to control things has been stripped away and, man, it sucks.  Right now I am waiting for my team of doctors to review my case tomorrow.  I am on the agenda so it should happen.  But I feel like my life is on hold.

I look at the pictures taken before all of this happened.  Sometimes, I just wish I was back in those seemingly simpler moments.  I wish I could focus on getting a serious tan this spring break and making summer plans . . . but it is all in limbo.  I know, I know . . . it could be a lot worse.  I know, I get it.  But I also want you to know that this process has not been the easiest for me.  I am peaceful and positive.  But I have my moments, and I am realizing that it is ok that I have my moments.  Some of the best advice that I have received is, "Sarah, you do not have to be a super hero through this.  In fact, God wouldn't want you to be the super hero."  It didn't hit me until that very moment that I didn't have to be strong all of the time.  Wow, that is a huge relief.

And so when I start to question and be frustrated, I think of Luther's quote and the idea that I am on a journey.  I think, "At present, everything does not gleam and sparkle, but everything is being cleansed." 

Thank you for being part of my journey.

Tests Completed for Now

Tuesday, March 9th:  The Early Bird Gets the CT Scan -- On Time!

Eric so wonderfully took me to my scan at 6 AM.  Everything went well; my nurse was very friendly and made me feel at ease for my first CT Scan.  Really she made all of the difference.  The contrast that they put in my veins was uncomfortable, but it didn't take long.  After my scan, I went into work.  I work for an amazing school.  My administrators have been so helpful and the teachers have been so supportive.  One of our teachers covered my class until I made it back to school.  (This is just one of so many ways they have helped me.)  I am truly blessed.

Wednesday, March 10th:  Leita's Surgery

Leita had her surgery yesterday.  There were some disappointments but also some victories.  Please continue to pray for her healing and for her pain to get under control.  Also pray for the doctors and hospital staff involved - that they would find ways to work together to help Leita.  She is truly amazing; she emailed me asking me about how I was doing just hours after her surgery. 
Leita = Self-less.

Wednesday, March 10th:  The MRI:  hmmm . . . the last appointment for the night

My wonderful friend Elizabeth took me to my MRI at 8 PM.  I later found out that she had a test on Thursday, but she so kindly failed to mention that when I asked her the night before :o). 

Unfortunately, I had an unpleasant experience with the intake administrative staff member. -- Something about my medical ID number and memorizing it -- Anyway, my MRI technician was WONDERFUL.  She took very good care of me.  When I was being pushed into the machine, all of my padding smooshed my face; it was AWESOME!  She pulled me back out, and  I laughed and laughed.  It was perfect timing for comic relief.  When I came out of the MRI room, Elizabeth was sitting in the back.  Apparently the administrative staff wanted to go home and she was the only one left so they told her to go to the back.  MD Anderson was completely silent when we left . . . kind of creepy.  I was glad to have someone with me!  I walked into my house at 11:45 PM knowing that I needed to get some rest for school the next day.  Instead of going straight to bed, I got on my computer and booked a flight to North Carolina to leave Friday.  My parents had already planned on visiting my sister and I just decided that I wanted to be there too.  I am in much need of some love from my mom, dad, and Booke. 

Stay Tuned for Treatment News -- Coming to a Computer Near You Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday